Blodgit and Scarper

To Blodgit and Scarper Builders Co.

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your recent "final payment demand" letter regarding the roof repair to my property.

It is a pleasure for me to see that your company is so "green" minded in this age of "save our planet and global warming".
Most construction company's use large vehicles, unlike your workmen, who arrived and tied their horses to a neighbours fence, who suggested to me that they may have been brought in from your USA division....He was certainly convinced that they were a pair of cowboys.

Your companys green policy is also evident after the inspection of the new roof tiles fitted by you...what a wonderful recycling idea to simply remove most of my existing tiles and flip them over before re-nailing, thus giving the impression of a brand new roof at a minimum of ecological harm and cost to your company.

Your Mr Blake, the large gentleman who called on me last saturday to collect the money was still carrying a bat, obviously from his morning game of baseball, I am afraid that Fang our faithful Rottweiler took this as a possible fun time with bat and ball in the local park, ohhh Fang and Mr Blake had so much fun together playing hide and seek and I was surprised at how fast such a large gentleman could run and his great speed and agility at ascending the tree, where I believe he can be seen on Google Earth due to their recent update.

Now regarding your final demand for the sum of £1,250 I have passed all the relevant paperwork personally to my junior accountant this morning and I have enclosed a video to reassure you how seriously we are treating your concerns.

Also I am sure that you will be pleased that to maintain your company's green policies I will place any future correspondence from you immediately in our cats litter tray.

Yours affectionately.
M. Hayes